Rest vs. Avoidance: How to Tell the Difference

As someone who is struggling with avoidance behaviour, I know a thing or two about the difference between resting and avoidance. In the past, I always thought that I worked well under pressure, which is why I often leave everything until the last minute.

Soon enough, I realized that taking “rest” and starting a 16-episode-long K-drama in the midst of exam season was actually an avoidance behavior. The pure thought of starting the assignment or learning for the exam made me feel anxious, so I would just mask it by taking a break.

In my years of dealing with avoidance behavior, I learned that the key difference is intention and what happens afterward. Here is what you need to know.

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1. What Healthy Rest Looks Like

Some people think of rest as being unproductive, but that is actually false. The real rest is productive, even when it looks like we’re doing nothing. When we take rest, we do it intentionally. That implies that before we took a rest, we did something, either physically or mentally draining. Rest is a way to recover the energy we need to function properly. There are different types of rest: physical, mental, and emotional.

Intentional rest allows us to recharge and feel refreshed. We are ready to get back to the responsibilities that are waiting for us. Once you decide it is time to get back to what you need to do, you don’t feel the need to constantly distract yourself and take more time scrolling on the phone.

Rest shouldn’t be mistaken for laziness. It is a maintenance our body and mind need, as otherwise it can lead to burnout.

2. What Avoidance Looks Like

The best way to describe avoidance is using distractions to escape from discomfort. Your brain makes you look at your to-do list and obligations as something uncomfortable and hard. The first thought that comes to mind is “I have time, I’ll do it later, let me rest now”. And what does that “rest” look like?

Scrolling on TikTok for hours, binge-watching TV shows, doing everything but the things we actually need to do. At first, we might feel good as the deadline is still far enough, and if we stop procrastinating, we have time. However, the next day we do the same, and then the next day again until it’s too close to the deadline and panic starts to creep in.

All that relief we felt in the beginning is slowly starting to fade away and leave us with guilt and anxiety.

3. The Emotional Difference

The easiest way to tell the difference between the rest and avoidance is how it makes you feel. Rest leaves you feeling refreshed and ready to get back to work. Avoidance leaves you guilty, anxious, or stuck in a constant cycle of procrastination.

Ask yourself these questions if you want to recognize the difference in yourself.

• Am I taking a break or postponing something?
• Will this help me return with more energy?
• What am I trying not to think about right now?

Conclusion

Rest helps you return to life with energy and motivation; avoidance helps you escape it and makes you want to avoid life as long as possible. Once you learn the difference, it will lead to less anxiety and more healthy productivity.

Trying to reduce avoidance behaviour is not linear. Sometimes our brain just makes certain tasks or situations feel scarier than they really are. Giving yourself some grace but realizing the core issue is the way to make avoidance behavior less controlling over your life.